I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
