I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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