butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
