Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
