now i know why i became what i already was.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
