I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
