I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
