Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
