dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
ttyl tear gas
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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