Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Boobs are out for the taking
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
