my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
