I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
