At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
