hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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