Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
