I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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