I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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