Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
