How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
