i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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