And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
