he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
