these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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