I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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