from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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