Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
