You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
