So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
