To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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