on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
