you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
