Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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