I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
