I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
