He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
