did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
