Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
