Moan for me like Helen Keller
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
