I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
