He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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