tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
