every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We have started to decorate penises.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
