exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
