are you still at the devil's house?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
