I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
