He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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