Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
