Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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