i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize