The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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