My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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