I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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