You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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