walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize