Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
40s are totally the cure
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
