i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
