Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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