so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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