physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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