Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
