We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
