this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
