so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
