Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
