I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
as a side note pls kill me
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
