Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I believe in your delicious
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
