Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
