I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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