Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
