shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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