I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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