i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
This is my gift to your gina
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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